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Support

Wesley Monash IVF recognises that it is important to address the psychological and emotional aspects of infertility.

The unit's nurse co-ordinators provide patients with continual emotional support and clinical advice.

Individual / couple counselling is provided and actively encouraged by the unit's psychologist and counsellors. Stress management and relaxation courses are also available. Couples are given ongoing support after treatments and pregnancy loss.

Patient support is also provided by the Monash IVF Support Group "IVF Friends" and by ACCESS, The National Infertility Support Group.

ABOUT ACCESS www.access.org.au
ACCESS Australia's National Infertility Network is a consumer based, independent, non profit organisation committed to being a national voice in promoting the well-being and welfare of infertile people of all ages, through representation in the general community and in the medical, scientific and political arenas. The Patrons of ACCESS are Hazel Hawke AO and Mrs Glynis Nunn-Cearns OAM.

ACCESS provides a cohesive approach to the management of issues and services for infertile people at a national level. Major member services include:

provision of a range of fact sheets covering many aspects of infertility,
providing contacts for those sharing a particular infertility experience,
a contact request network to put people in touch by email, letter or phone
a regular newsletter,
maintenance of a register of infertility self help groups, which have been established in regional areas around Australia and New Zealand, and
a list of infertility clinics accredited by the Reproductive Technology Accreditation Committee (RTAC).

Infertility is an extremely isolating experience. This is exacerbated because infertility and the death of a child are taboo subjects. As a society we have difficulty in dealing with these sad experiences. ACCESS seeks to alleviate the pain and isolation of the one in six people in Australia who suffer from the debilitating impact of infertility and childlessness by supporting them through their infertility journey and by making them aware of the medical and social options available to help them pursue their wish to have a child of their own.

Emotional Issues

It has been our experience at the Wesley IVF Service that many couples do not access the counselling support services provided by the unit. It appears that many couples feel they are able to cope themselves with the support of each other, friends, relatives and the unit’s nursing and medical staff.

A recent article in an infertility journal has also confirmed that this is the scenario in many IVF units. More specifically, it indicated that, although couples often do not access the counselling services, they are reassured by the knowledge that this service is readily available should they require it at some stage. It was also suggested that these couples would benefit from a brochure covering the emotional aspects of infertility, the common feelings that infertile couples share and ways to cope with the stress of infertility and treatment.

We hope that the following points will help reassure couples that the way they are feeling is quite normal and assist couples find a balance in their lives whilst pursuing the desire for a family.

The desire to have a child is perhaps the strongest that people experience and infertility can be viewed as a life crisis as it causes couples immense suffering and distress.

It can be equated with such life crises as cancer and major accidents and it can affect every aspect of a person’s life as it can be an ongoing source of stress.

Infertility is in reality the death of a dream and a future planned around children, and is perhaps the least acknowledged loss in our society as the infertile couple often feel that they are left to grieve alone.
COMMON REACTIONS infertile couples will experience. These reactions are quite normal, however not everyone will experience these:

Shock & Disbelief

Initially most couples will respond with shock and disbelief when the diagnosis is confirmed, as infertility was certainly not part of their life plan. Shock usually lasts only a short period and can actually help one to adjust.

Denial

Some people may react by denying the problem rather than confronting it. This can cause unnecessary treatment delays but temporary denial can also allow one to adapt to infertility at one’s own pace before rushing into treatment programs.

Guilt

People sometimes feel that infertility is a punishment for past actions or feel guilty for depriving a fertile partner or parents of the joy of having children or grandchildren. People often feel guilty because they are jealous and envious of other people’s happiness and ability to have children so easily.

Anger

Most couples will feel angry and frustrated which results from a sense that infertility and life is not fair. “Why me?” is a common question. This anger can be directed at the infertile spouse or family and friends and health care providers. These feelings are normal but when anger is internalised and not accepted for what it is, it can be destructive and depression can result.

Sadness, Sense of Loss, Emptiness

There is often an overwhelming sense of loss, sadness and emptiness as one grieves for a long awaited child and friends and relatives often do not understand the emotional impact of infertility.

Depression

Depression is therefore a very common response and many couples may feel that life has no purpose and lack motivation to make decisions in their professional and personal lives. They can lose perspective as well as enthusiasm for things in life that once were rewarding.

Loss of Control & Anxiety

Many people describe feelings of loss of control, powerlessness, anxiety, fear and panic. These are normal feelings when “bad things” happen unexpectedly to us. Most couples are successful in achieving the goals they set out to attain. As a result, when you can't have a baby when you wish, you realise you are not in control of this aspect of your life. You can feel “let down” by your body and there is total disruption to one’s life plans and goals. Many couples cannot see a future without children and can be overwhelmed by feelings of fear and panic.

Hopelessness & Despair

Feelings of discouragement, hopelessness and despair often result from the roller coaster effects of infertility and treatment. You may feel hopeful at the beginning of treatment but despair if repeated cycles are not successful.

As with any life crisis, people will respond differently to infertility, and this depends on their personality, life experience and coping skills. It is important to realise therefore that your partner might be experiencing different emotions to you and the timing of your “downs” and “ups” will not always coincide.

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